Reflecting Upon Stupors of Thought

Sometimes I have a stupor of thought so big you can drive a truck through it -- and at least twice I have been so caught up in the stupor I've almost been hit.

I had been working off and on for three weeks on a talk to be given to the Temple Spanish Branch this morning. Even though I had read the assigned topic several times, I had nothing written down this morning. That's when I got the call.

A member of the branch presidency was calling to confirm that I would be coming and asked what I would be speaking about. When I told him my assigned topic, he politely told me that according to the stake schedule I was to be speaking on something else. Wow, was I glad to hear that. The three-week fog cleared and I was able to write a good talk with some 45 minutes to spare before I needed to present it.

This reminded me of another stupor of thought I had while serving on the island of Antigua during my mission.

I got a call on a Wednesday from the branch president, who asked me to speak in church on Sunday. I gladly accepted but we were busy missionaries and when Saturday came, I still had not prepared a single word of my talk.

I was worried and did not want to be embarrassed by standing up in front of branch members unprepared. I decided that I would not proselytize that morning. Instead I tried to write my talk.

After two or three hours I had a wastebasket half filled with pieces of crumpled paper but still had not written any words down for my talk. I was desperate for help and knelt down and began to ask Heavenly Father for His assistance, which I had already done but for some reason I had what in the Doctrine and Covenants is described as a stupor of thought.

D&C 9:8-9

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you
must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;

The idea came to my mind that maybe I was supposed to be outside working instead of inside preparing a talk. In that prayer I asked God if I should stop preparing my talk and go do some missionary work. I received an unmistakable answer to go and do missionary work.

I made a mistake that day that I did not make today. Even though the answer was clear that I needed to go do missionary work, I thought of church the next day and how embarrassed I would be if I was not prepared to speak.

Even though the answer was clear, I stayed in my missionary apartment for most of
the day and prepared the talk I had been invited to present the next morning.

As I walked up the steps to the church building that Sunday morning, I had an experience that made me want to crawl under a rock. Before I had even reached the front door to the building, the branch president came bounding out the front door and apologized to me.

He told me that he had forgotten that he had scheduled a young women’s youth program for sacrament meeting. He did not need me to speak. I smiled and told the branch president that it was okay but my heart was hurting inside because I did not trust in the whisperings of the Spirit.

To the member of the branch presidency that called me this morning thank you for allowing me to show that I have grown in the gospel. I changed my talk this morning because I know that I can trust the Lord with all my heart. I have learned that for me it is foolish to lean only upon my own understanding.