Just get it over with.

I've known for over 3 years that this day would come. And come it has.

My first two children were born via emergency c-section (Rebekah being more "emergency" than Paul). That means that my last two children were born via scheduled c-section. That's four in all. Before Emma was born, I remember doing research on the possible consequences of having 4 c-sections and finding no information. My ob/gyn was none too happy to see me in his office after I told him my history. He hadn't performed too many 4th c-sections. Anyway--Emma was born and all was well with both of us....until she was 7 weeks old. That's when I started Pilate's. My determination to gain control of my body shape led to many sit-ups, and the many sit-ups led to a rip in my abdominal muscle tissue--also called a hernia.

I now know the consequences of having four c-sections. Not that it would have stopped us from having Emma, but I wish I had known--I would have gladly given up the sit-ups! There are possible dangers in having a hernia, and I've been tempting fate for 3 years now. So it is time to repair the damage and be whole again. But I have to admit that I am a little scared. I feel a little guilt at the expense we are incurring, but that's just life. My new wardrobe and living room rug will just have to wait another couple years. I think I am most scared at the change in physical freedom I will have. I won't be able to drive for a while or pick things up or do physical labor. I'm a stay-home mom. It's not like I have a desk that I sit at all day. My work space is my home and my yard, and my bosses are both under 4 years old. I don't have a lot of say in the activities of my day. How can I still do what I need to and yet be physically limited?

The answer to that has already come from my husband. He is taking charge and vowing that he and the kids will pick up the slack. I've seen them do it before, but never for an extended period. I just hope that my "I can do anything" attitude doesn't overrun my "I must not do anything" directive from the surgeon. This is one case where there isn't a happy median. No compromises--I rest while others work. It sure sounds like a mother's dream come true. But honestly, it isn't this mother's dream.

My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:30am. I'll let you know how it goes.